Who’s your inspiration and what do you perceive from their spirit?
Well, I would have to say that God is my ultimate inspiration he is the authenticator of the words I write. But earthly, I would definitely say Tyler Perry. He is our own Christian rags to riches story. He is the embodiment of what REAL faith can do. It is evident by his life that he understands that we Christians walk by faith and not by sight. In August 2006 he sent out an email about taking the limits off GOD. What was so ironic about that email is the night before I was sitting in my bed talking to God about how to do just that…TAKE THE LIMITS OFF! When I got the email the next morning it was like Tyler was confirmation that my prayers were heard and that I can let God out of this box I put him in if I only believe. So, now I keep that portion of that email in my wallet and when I need to be reminded I take it out and reflect.
Last but definitely not least my Pastor, Craig L. Oliver Sr. He has been the largest impact on my life. When I walked through the doors at Elizabeth Baptist Church I did not know that my life would never be the same. I have grown so much spiritually in the last 4 years than I have my entire life.
Tell me about the journey for this book? From God’s Lips…To My Heart…For Your Spirit has been a two year or so journey. Although at the time this path started I didn’t know that it would begin here.
Why do you say begin? I say begin because this isn’t all that He has shown me and or assigned me. There is much more that He has planned for me to accomplish. The scripture pamphlet in the back of the book was something God placed on my heart while I was studying over two years ago. It was like Jeremiah said “Fire shut up in my bones” I just couldn’t stop compiling them. It was a process that took about 6 months. I would start then put it down and He’d get on me and I’d go back. The first time that I stopped it was 4 pages long. When He was done with it…it was 7 pages! You know that the number 7 is God’s number of completion right? I never added another scripture. Then early August 2006 He dropped it in my spirit that I needed to write a book of poems.
What did you have to say about that? Well, you know how us Christians are we start asking questions? I, said Lord why? I haven’t written in years? Although I started writing in high school I kept asking why now? Of course his response is because I said so…laughs! And about two months later we have this book that we’re talking about now.
I read in the book that you had a homosexual life style. Where did that come from and how did you get out of it? Yes, I was living a life of homosexuality for about five or so years. How did I get out of it? God’s Grace. There is no other way for me to say it. That transformation had nothing to do with Kai. God reached down deep in the valley to save little ol’ me and I am so grateful. When I allowed myself to become a part of the lesbian community I wasn’t in a good place in my life. There was a lot of pain and insecurity that played a huge part. But who had the largest hand was Satan. I allowed him in my head and in my circle and he had a field day with my emotions. He had me thinking that this life was exactly what I needed, I was safe here, and people’s opinions didn’t matter. Lord, was I lost. But one day God stepped in and said NO MORE! He moved me from where I was to where I am now. God led me to read Leviticus 18:22 “Do not lie with a man as one lies with a woman; that is detestable” how could you not want to try and change your life after that. For me that was powerful and direct. There is one thing that God’s word will always be and that’s CLEAR. You never have to guess what he means because his word is like a double edge sword. Soul piercing.
You seem to be at peace in your spirit and soul can you explain how that came about? Honestly, I had to learn to get Kai’s butt out of the driver’s seat of my life. I needed to ask some tough questions of my life to see where I was. I have been going around my own personal mountain of Seir and didn’t see any other way. I realized in my 31 yrs of living I never asked God WHAT HE wanted out of me? Where He needed me to join Him in is his work? One Sunday I was sitting at church and there were three Ministers being ordained and I heard him whisper…this is where I need you. But my mind was saying how can you use a wretch like me? Thank God for the blood of the lamb, He can make anyone whole!
So your path includes becoming a minister? In my heart that is a part of the vision He has given me but with each step I pray that I make the right move and stay within his will. One of my spiritual gifts is counseling so I joined the Assimilation Ministry at my church as a Decision Counselor assisting our lost souls that need a little help finding there way back. But you don’t need a title to minister we are commanded to Go and spread the gospel.
That sounds like a huge responsibility? It is, if you take what you do seriously. Our Director calls the room that we take the people who come down to give their lives back to God the “Battle Ground”. That is exactly what that moment is a time to share the Gospel and remind those that may have been lost or disconnected that you can always come back. Sometimes I remind them that you can never go to far away or do anything that God won’t love you. We are all soldiers for the cross and when I enter a battle I fight to win not to break even. These souls that come down that I counsel I believe that I am held accountable for. I have to make sure I am prayed up and ready to be used as a vessel.
Most of your poems seem to be so heart felt and real? Do they come from real- life experiences? Oh, yes. I don’t believe that you can write about what you haven’t experienced or even witnessed in someone else’s life. A lot of the work is me…the woman that you see. They are expressions of my victories, failures, and brokenness.
What is the most challenging question that you ever had to self reflect on? Mmmm… that’s a good one. When you are going through a season with God and he begins to prune you there are many questions that you have to ask yourself. But the one that pops in my mind is “who does God say you are”? I was asked this question in my Spiritual Formation class at church. The class was stumped to say the least. In essence we are all sinners walking by faith. But what does God really say I am when the church doors close and I am home in bed talking with him? I pray that He says that she is a woman after my own heart and that she’s striving to be more and more like me. I pray that He is pleased with my life and my obedience to his word grows everyday.
On a lighter note what do you listen to in your car? Hhhhmmm. I really enjoy Israel and the New Breed they are awesome, definitely Yolanda Adams, Smokey, Mary Mary and CeCe Winans. Oh, can’t forget Donnie! I do listen to other types of music that makes sense. I can’t listen to you talk about a bunch of mess that won’t get you anywhere. So, all the baby mamma songs and I’ll take your man I pass on. But some real R&B, I do enjoy some country as well. Faith Hill and Reba McIntire, people like that. Sometimes I laugh about liking country, you know a girl that grew up in the hood listening to country. Life is always a mystery…
In the book you mentioned that your mom was on drugs? How was life growing up? Yes, she was for most of my life until maybe my first year in college. Like most people I grew up in a single parent home. It was just mom, my sister and me. My dad was in and out of the picture but really it was just us three. Really, I don’t know who my biological dad is because my mom doesn’t know. She had me during her season but look what the devil thought would end up for bad God stepped in and redeemed me. We had some really rough times living in a car, eating at soup kitchens stuff like that. I used to be so angry at God for how I grew up. I always wondered why I couldn’t have the “Cosby Show” life. However, that journey birthed a strong and independent woman. Now, I thank Him for the trials and tribulation because I know that with Him I can make it through anything. It helped that we grew up in church. The bible says, train up a child the way that he should go and his ways will never depart from it. So, I have had my struggles and trials but He has always kept me.
You mentioned your sisters, are you all close? Oh yea, my younger sister…she’s like my baby...smile! When mom was at work and going through her own personal journey I was there. I had to grow up a lot faster than I wanted to but that was all a part of the plan. My younger sister is a great example of what you can do when you put your mind to it. She’s an engineer with a MBA as well. My older sister is awesome woman in her own right she helped to start the WNBA team that was in Utah and made me an auntie. We didn’t all grow up in the same house but our relationship is ever growing as we continue to get to know one another.
Ok last question? What’s your advice to other people that are looking for their purpose? Stop looking and ask GOD. The bible says seek first His kingdom and all else will be added unto you. In your quiet time ask him where you can join him in His work. God doesn’t need to join you, you have to join him. When you do, there will be such a peace in your spirit that there wouldn’t be anywhere else that you’d rather be. Stay prayed up, blessed and highly favored.
